The past two nights were the first of the Jewish holiday of Passover. This is the holiday best known for Charlton Heston being cool. Or maybe for being the event at which was held the Last Supper. Or, just possibly, for the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt.
Jewish holidays are pretty much binge and purge affairs. That is to say they involve either a feast or a fast. This one is a feast (specifically called a "seder" here). But much of the feast is the telling of the story of why you're having the feast, so the people at the table will never forget. In theory this is great, only everyone at the table knows the story already. Even my little cousin has it down cold, and she's five. It's not exactly a challenge to remember.
So, every year we read the Passover story and every year the seder gets shorter. It's been like this ever since I was a kid. "We'll start on page 13," says my uncle, who leads us through the service. He skips pages left and right. What's left he reads through as fast as he can. Me, I'd rather we dispense with the reading, watch the Ten Commandments on DVD and then sit down to eat. It'd make the whole thing much more enjoyable.
I mean, reading the story as if it were this great thing sort of gets to me, when you're basically sitting around celebrating the fact that God's a prick. Not to offend or anything, but you've got to be a real asshole to send Moses off to tell Pharaoh to let your people go and then go out, harden Pharaoh's heart so that he doesn't do it and then slap his ass down with the plagues. One of God's shittier moments, I'd say.
Comments (4)
Listen man dont get me started... oh wait you allready have or I wouldnt be posting this. You are right to a point when you first look at the situation it is hard to see the loving and caring G-d that we are tought about in sunday school. But lets take a look at this from a differant perspective. The G-d of Abraham Isaac and Jacob is an all holy protector as much as anything. He made a promise to those who devoted their life to follow him and did what any protector would. He in a not so eloquent way "smacked his bitch up" Face it you have your brist at age 30 instead of at 8 days your god better dispense with the justice quick like as well
Posted by Zach | April 10, 2004 5:17 PM
Posted on April 10, 2004 17:17
I never went to Sunday school, or Hebrew school. If God exists and is loving (and I'm not denying that either of these are possibilities or even denying that I believe either of these things are true), I didn't learn about it there.
Nevertheless, as it comes to the Old Testament in general, God was a prick. As it comes to the story of Passover in particular, God was a monstrous prick. Moses walks up to Pharoh, makes with the mumbling, Aaron translates and Pharoh is all ready to let the Hebrews go when God hardens Pharohs heart. The Hebrews could've been free then and there, and if God was fulfilling a promise that's what would've happened, but God decided that the Egyptians should suffer through the 10 plagues first.
And why? Is this in vengeance for having enslaved the Hebrews? Maybe. But remind me what the Hebrews were doing in Eygpt in the first place? Oh, right. God created a famine.
And once the Hebrews are free, is it right off to Israel? Nope. It's 40 years of wandering through the desert because after a generation of growing up with the Egyptians and without a Torah or 10 Commandments to guide them, they went and made a golden cow in a time of uncertainty. And the righeous dude? The one who got so annoyed with the Hebrews that he smashed the tablets? He wasn't even allowed into the promised land.
"Justice" my ass. The God of the Torah is a capricious child or the worst sort of attention-grabbing superhero. He puts you in impossible situations and then saves the day with all of the flash and panache He can muster, just to make Himself look good.
Like I said, this doesn't necessarily represent my actual take on the nature of divinity, whatever that might be, but it's certainly an accurate picture of the portrayal of God in the Torah.
Posted by Jason | April 10, 2004 6:36 PM
Posted on April 10, 2004 18:36
First off lets start with the common misconception that moses was a mumbler. I mean here was a man that was trained at the equivalent of harvard or yale for a future in politics. Not the type of person who you would think would have a problem with public speaking. If anything Moses was a Puss "I am not eloquent" translates into I dont have a set of my own and am a panzy ass bastard. but the scrapes that G-d allows his children to get into isnt because of him it is in spite of him. Only after they have learned what they needed to learn does he save their butts
Posted by Zach | April 12, 2004 1:00 PM
Posted on April 12, 2004 13:00
"Common misconception?" "Mumbler?" Dude, God burned the fucker's tongue out. "Mumbler" doesn't even begin to enter into it.
You want to tell me that 40 years in the desert was to teach the Hebrews a lesson? Fine, I'll buy that. Doesn't make it less shitty or make the lesson justified, though. But there's just no way whatsoever you can tell me that denying Moses the promised land was anything more than petty and hardening Pharoh's heart was anything less than needlessly cruel.
Posted by Jason | April 12, 2004 2:33 PM
Posted on April 12, 2004 14:33