Writing this post intimidates me. Living out the next few years of my life intimidates me. Tonight was Ogre's last night in town. Seven hours from now he leaves for a distant point on the upper peninsula of Michigan, a seventeen and a half hour drive from here. He'll be there for the next five years. I don't know what I'm going to do without my best friend.
Does it make sense if I say he's my mirror? Does it work for me to say we're shadows of each other? Do you understand me when I say he's my compass? I rely on him in a thousand little ways, for words and gestures and sounds and looks and silences. There have been times when I didn't see Ogre for a while, and those were times that I didn't always recognize myself.
We're both leaving to find the things we need to help us become who we want to be. It's possible that when we're done we'll be back here. But it's not very likely. I have, I will have, other friends. I have a great and towering romance. I will have more. I will have a wife, I'll have a job, a home and children. There will be flashes of brilliance in my life, the flashes that shine off of the people I love like sunlight shines off of precious jewels. But there will be fewer of those flashes without Ogre. Distances are small things. I, I of all people, know that this is true. But I know, too, that small things are the things that can hurt the most.
I'm crying now.
I miss my best friend.
Comments (8)
It's true - between themselves they speak in a strange dialect of deep metaphor and shared reference that is difficult for outsiders to process, kind of like that episode of Star Trek where Picard had to go camping with the gibberish-speaking alien. Only, you know, with Clerks references.
I also will miss Ogre a great deal and hope that he finds what he's looking for. Specifically, his apartment. Between him, Jason, and events elsewhere, I think I better sign up for some frequent flyer program.
Posted by Erik | August 9, 2004 12:00 PM
Posted on August 9, 2004 12:00
Go to the dark side get a msn account so you can keep in touch with your friends.
its going to be a lot less expensive than flying or driving to them :)
Posted by gus | August 10, 2004 12:55 PM
Posted on August 10, 2004 12:55
Again with the MSN! Why must you tempt me with your vile and poorly programed darkness?
Note: I've never used the thing. No fuckin' clue how it's programed.
But, you know, I've got two Messenging programs already and I never use them. Why do I want a third I'd never use?
Posted by jason | August 10, 2004 2:28 PM
Posted on August 10, 2004 14:28
go to the darkness my son ehem i mean how many hours are you online?
Theres a good chance some of your friends are already a part of the msn network.
besides once you join the rest wll be easier to make them come to the msn network. :)
Posted by gus | August 11, 2004 12:24 PM
Posted on August 11, 2004 12:24
Don't do it! It's a trap!
I prefer to chat in higher-priced graphics intensive realms where one can have a casual conversation about White Castle or Marxist philosophy while at the same time shooting aliens or bringing street thugs to swift justice.
Posted by Erik | August 11, 2004 1:37 PM
Posted on August 11, 2004 13:37
MSN is EVIL! AOL must die! however, AIM is reliable and most of the people I've ever known or cared to know have it and that's how I keep in touch with them for the most part.
I know how you feel about Ogre. You'll miss him and the two of you will do your best to stay in touch. No distance in the world has ever been known to keep two good friends apart.
Posted by Jon | August 12, 2004 12:53 AM
Posted on August 12, 2004 00:53
That's sort of my take on it, Jon - most everyone I know uses AIM already. I expect I'll start to use ICQ more once I'm out West, though, since you can leave messages for people on ICQ and such.
Though, to be fair, as I said earlier, these days I'm on a chat program for all of an hour every third day or something like that.
Posted by jason | August 12, 2004 10:00 AM
Posted on August 12, 2004 10:00
ok if i cant lure you into using the msn messanger at least consider trillian or similar software so you can keep online with all your firends no matter what instant messanger service they are using.
after all you do want to stay in touch with us non icq users right?
Posted by gus | August 12, 2004 10:42 AM
Posted on August 12, 2004 10:42