Quick recap: When I got to Seattle I got an email from Ann, who I have a long and complex history with, welcoming me to the area. We swapped some emails back and forth and in one I said some stuff that hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt her. Quite the opposite, actually; I wanted to keep from hurting her. Well, I felt bad, of course, and sent an email to apologize. She didn't respond. That was about three weeks ago.
And then came tonight. I was walking into my local sushi establishment to procure some of the same and there was Ann, sitting with some friends. I was surprised, though I guess I shouldn't have been; she said she hangs in the area. Anyway, she saw me as I opened the door and called out my name. Tagged! So, I walked over and had what may have been the single most awkward conversation of my life.
It's not like I didn't want to talk to her or anything; she hurt me, yeah, but it was almost a year ago. I don't hold a grudge that long. At least not against people. It's just... well, what can I say? I feel like I was ignoring the proverbial elephant in the middle of the room. Ann and I have a lot of history, some of it very good, but I felt like I had to ignore that to avoid the bad. At the same time, it wasn't like I was meeting an entirely new person and getting to know them. So it was an awkward conversation, at least for me. No clue if Ann felt the same.
And now, of course, I feel this strange sense of... I dunno, obligation? I feel like I should write her an email or something to say hey, to say it was nice to bump into her or whatever. As if that would keep things from being awkward should I bump into her again. Not that that's my place. I apologized, she chose not to write me back. If she wants to talk to me, she'll write. If she doesn't, she won't and I can respect that.
But I still feel the need to be the damn good guy. Mostly, I feel like the good guy's the one who says, who does. But sometimes the good guy's the one who stays quiet and just let's things be. So, I'm going to be the good guy and just cope with the awkwardness should Ann and I bump into each other again.
Comments (11)
It seems like she made the first move by calling you if she didnt want anithing to do with you she could just have ignored your presence.
It seems like the most proper thing to do is to send her an e-mail or give her phone call.
besides who knows if it works out for the best.
Posted by Gus | November 23, 2004 7:33 AM
Posted on November 23, 2004 07:33
Sounds like you've already made the decision, but just in case someone posts something contrary, allow me to to reinforce your decision.
Just do whatever it is that you want to do. If you want to attempt to be friendly and civil, drop her an email. If you'd prefer not to include her in your life, don't.
If you're going to hope that you might wander in the same sushi restaurant again, then you may as well drop her an email now.
Do not, under any circumstance send an email just because of some odd "good guy" syndrome. You can't just send the one email. You're either interested in the friend/relation/ship or not.
I find myself with an opportunity to quote Yoda. Ahem. Do or do not, there is no try.
Posted by Marc | November 23, 2004 8:04 AM
Posted on November 23, 2004 08:04
Word, Marc. Word.
Oh, and Gus? She didn't call me, man. We bumped into each other while we were out for sushi.
Posted by Jason | November 23, 2004 10:20 AM
Posted on November 23, 2004 10:20
Mmmm....sushi....
Posted by Bekah | November 23, 2004 10:30 AM
Posted on November 23, 2004 10:30
What will be will be. And order and extra asparagus roll for me.
Posted by Brian | November 23, 2004 12:36 PM
Posted on November 23, 2004 12:36
Actually, I wasn't ignoring your email. I have a notorious problem these days with replying to emails in a timely manner. If I don't reply to it right away, I tend to not for a long, long time. Usually quite embarassed.
I do it to everyone. I have a knack for losing track of days, weeks, months, year...
Anyway, yes, a lot awkward. Funny how we both have a sense of ownership on Sushi Express--my friends and I have been eating there for a year or so now.
But ultimately unsurprising. We've got so much in common that I figure the only reason we haven't crossed paths sooner is that I don't get to be in the area as much as I used to.
You're not obligated to be the good guy. If you want to ignore my presence, that's up to you. If you feel comfort in painting me the evil ex-, you can do that as well. I may not necessarily agree with the title, but that's life and I've been tagged with it before. Such is the way things go. I've never had a grudge and I gave up most of the hurt a long time ago.
Things move on. If we want to keep things accidental, that's fine. If we want to have purposeful meetings, that's fine.
I don't particularly enjoy making things uncomfortable.
Posted by Ann | November 23, 2004 4:21 PM
Posted on November 23, 2004 16:21
Um...Awkward!
Posted by Aaron | November 23, 2004 6:57 PM
Posted on November 23, 2004 18:57
Zing!
Or... err... closure!
Hi Ann.
Posted by Erik (not the roommate) | November 23, 2004 7:37 PM
Posted on November 23, 2004 19:37
Jason? Good guy? I distinctly remember the nickname was arrogant, not good guy. Does the nickname need an update? Hmmm... not according to wait staff.
Posted by Adi Zukerman | November 24, 2004 8:45 AM
Posted on November 24, 2004 08:45
You know Ann, if the worst an ex can say about you is that encountering you is awkward I would consider myself lucky.
Jason, you are under no obligation to anything. If you want her as a friend though, you may want to talk to her. If you don't, well, don't.
You've got plenty of other girls to be stupid with. *winks*
Posted by Amanda | November 24, 2004 5:31 PM
Posted on November 24, 2004 17:31
Mr. Zuckerman, I thought I recognized your foul stench when the page was loading. Good to see you. I have to agree with you though, he does have the nickname of arrogant. But also nice. It's an odd sort, though, in that he chooses who to be nice to. *nods* Arrogant even in his niceness. :) I'll run away now, he knows where I live and I think he has mob ties.
But before I run... Yes, saying something was awkward doesn't imply anything evil in anyone. At this point there are many people it would be awkward to run into simply because of time passed and nothing to do with my opinion of them.
Posted by Ogre | November 29, 2004 8:45 AM
Posted on November 29, 2004 08:45