I excerpt you a brief quotation from my weekly call from my family. Let it serve as proof that they are all FUCKING NUTS:
"I was talking to the lady who I babysit for," my sister said, "well, I babysit her son. And she said she has a cousin who lives in Seattle."
"Uh-huh," I said. When people say things like this to me, the next words are usually a varient of "so I thought I could set you two up on a date." It makes me a little guarded.
"Her cousin said that there are a lot of cults in Seattle, so I was worried about you."
"Well," I said, laughing, "I appreciate your concern, but I think I'm going to be ok. I'm not the type to join a cult and I don't think I'm in any danger of being kidnapped and used as a ritual sacrifice."
"Ok. Because I was worried."
My sister soon handed the phone over to my father, and I was still laughing over this little exchange. He asked me what I was laughing at.
"My sister, you know, sometimes she reminds me a lot of you and mom." I related our conversation to him. I said, "I told her that I appreciated her concern, but that I wasn't going to be joining any cults and that I wasn't really much..."
My dad, without a hint of humor or irony, but with a little bit of skepticism, cut me off to slowly say "Well, good. I'm glad we don't have to worry about that, at least."
This is the sort of shit my parents worry about. They hear a dumb little thing like this, and they're up at night worried that I'm going to JOIN A CULT.
I'm at a loss for words, here...
Comments (11)
This autobiographical, life is slightly off-kilter thing is what I was talking about in the Freaks and Geeks post. You can fashion an entire chapter on a character being warned about cults by his sister and then exploring Seattle's cult scene just to see what the fuss was about. Then, when your character, Bason Lalivas, gets a DEVASTATING 89 on a Japanese oral exam he can explain that he is new to Seattle and was temporarily distracted by local cult life. This vulnerability will endear him to his Japanese professor, who will look out for Bason and give him A-'s for the rest of the semester. You see, as long as you end up in the same place you are in real life, then it's believable, even if the journey is highly unlikely.
Posted by Vitaly | March 13, 2005 7:05 PM
Posted on March 13, 2005 19:05
I was kinda under the impression that you would be the one to form the cult. Y'know....if the fancy struck you and all.
Posted by Marc | March 13, 2005 8:28 PM
Posted on March 13, 2005 20:28
Yeah, maybe this little comment from your sister will be the catylist that sends you on the path to cultish madness.
Posted by Eric | March 14, 2005 6:05 AM
Posted on March 14, 2005 06:05
well i hear there are some good tax savings if you can pull the cult thing off :)
Posted by gus | March 14, 2005 8:11 AM
Posted on March 14, 2005 08:11
Tell them that all the good cults rejected your membership application, so there's no need to worry.
Posted by Ben | March 14, 2005 8:53 AM
Posted on March 14, 2005 08:53
Vitaly -
While I appreciate the thought, and and wouldn't say that I never take your life suggestions, I'm perfectly happy with the style I've got now. I draw enough on the surreal truth that sometimes is my own life, when I need to. I don't feel the need to go off and start writing tv shows or post-modern pop-lit. Thanks, though.
Marc -
I'm pretty sure that, one night at Rob's house, Deb founded a cult dedicated to me. And I just realized that the above statement sounds more vaguely naughty than I'd intended...
Beyond that, I think I should just start insinuating that I have joined a cult...
Posted by Jason | March 14, 2005 9:54 AM
Posted on March 14, 2005 09:54
Should you insinuate that you have joined a cult, that could only invite your parents to come 'rescue' you from the evil that is Seattle. I do find the stories of your family entertaining. To know that my experiences with my family are not unique is strangely comforting.
Posted by Brian | March 14, 2005 10:24 AM
Posted on March 14, 2005 10:24
/ponders the opportunities to discuss his "concerns" about Jason with the Kalivases.
"Do you talk to him a lot?"
"Oh yes, and to be honest, I'm a little worried. You let him play a lot of Dungeons and Dragons when he was a kid, right...?"
Posted by Erik | March 14, 2005 11:12 AM
Posted on March 14, 2005 11:12
So... I read the whole thing and am I the only one stumped by the fact that jason was talking to his sister (the future Ex Mrs. Zears) ? what happened to bring this series of events about?
Posted by Zach | March 14, 2005 12:41 PM
Posted on March 14, 2005 12:41
I would sooner stab a knife through your heart than let you marry my sister. I care about you that much, Zach. I want to save you from the pain.
Also, it's fucking oogy and you need to stop saying that shit.
I was on the phone with her 'cause my dad handed her the phone. He doesn't usually do that, but I guess she was in the room or something. She also told me, by the way, that she "respects my work ethic," which I find totally hilarious because, you know, I really don't have a work ethic.
Posted by Jason | March 14, 2005 4:28 PM
Posted on March 14, 2005 16:28
You haven't flunked or dropped out of school yet. And with all the cult action that is college life, you must have quite the work ethic to pull that off. I think I'm going to start a Fables cult just so I can track down your parents and tell them about it. Because really, your fans are obsessive. Salue!
Posted by Jacquee | March 14, 2005 7:10 PM
Posted on March 14, 2005 19:10