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No, Mister Fury, I Expect You To Die

In the mid-60's, Marvel Comics had a run in the Strange Tales comic called Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. It was a fair run of super-spy adventures, more in the vein of The Avengers or The Mod Squad than James Bond. Especially with the psychedelic visuals. It's a historically ground-breaking piece of comic art, and hugely influential on later comic art design. Really getting into the meat of what Jim Steranko did with this book is very helpful in figuring out what I'd do if I got a chance to write my own Nick Fury book.

But sometimes...

Our hero, Nick Fury, is a skilled commando and spy. He has successfully and openly fought his way through no fewer than two Hydra (like Cobra, only in green) bases, survived countless explosions and fought off an 8 foot tall robot. In other words, everyone on the damn planet knows that Fury's no slouch.

In one particular sequence, Fury's infiltrated yet another Hydra base. He runs afoul of some Hydra soldiers. The lead soldier points at Fury and says "Use plan K-11! Attack him one at a time and exhaust him for the kill!"

So, not only is the brilliant strategy of the masked and faceless goons to attack the shit-kicking super-spy one by one, but this is in fact a strategy that they had planned in advance. I'd like to know a) what on earth made them think it would work and b) if they ever practiced it.

I can just see the poor Hydra soldier who gets picked for Fury duty. "Ok, Jim. You just stand here and try your best to look like Nick Fury. The rest of us, we're going to come up to you one at a time and kick the holy living fuck out of you. What? Oh, no, just the sixteen of us for now. Squad B doesn't get to use the gym until after lunch."

I think evil organizations really need to raise the standards for goon hiring. Require a GED, at least. Or have them take a test beforehand. Something!

Comments (7)

Ben:

Did you see the Nick Fury movie? Starring David Hasslehoff?

Jason:

No, I tend to avoid anything that has David Hasslehoff in it (post-KnightRider, anyway). I'll assume it was pretty rotten?

Bard:

Well, I know that HARM, at least, picks up the surviving minions from previous supervillain organizations that went kaput.

"This here's Dave, the new guy. He used to work for MISERY."

"Were you involved in that giant laser thing? We were all putting money on whether or not you'd blow yourselves up."

Ben:

The parts of it I saw were quite rotten indeed. Especially the scene where he ejected from a fighter jet going almost Mach 2 and landed safely right next to a car that was waiting for him. With a beautiful woman. I mean, that stuff is cool when James Bond does it, but an eyepatch-sporting Hasslehoff can't pull it off. Maybe he should be Garthe Knight again, in a black polyester leisure suit. That was hilarious!

Jason:

That's awesome. In a horrific fashion.

Jacquee:

Wanna see some more Nick Fury? NEIL GAIMAN wrote an awesome Marvel comic called 1602 and Fury has a big part in it!! It is awesome; not quite typical Marvel, not quite Gaiman but some wondrous mixture of the two!!!!

Is gorgeousness.

Jason:

Yah. I'm waiting for Marvel to release that in trade paperback form, rather than just the hardcover, but the bastards are really dragging their feet.

They're also dragging their feet on whether they'd like to see a comic proposal from me. I should call them sometime next week, I think...

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on March 24, 2005 11:19 PM.

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