I've been kicking this around in my head for a little while, but I didn't settle on it until I saw Rick tonight. Rick's a friend of The Delightful Jeni Garber's and, much like me, a kid from Jersey. I've hung with him a few times before, but I haven't seen him in, well, I imagine it's quite literally been a decade. I saw him tonight, we shook hands. We parted ways at the end of the night, we shook hands.
Some folks are going to understand what I mean when I say that this is normal. It's just part of Jersey culture, I guess. You shake hands. And not just with guys you haven't seen in a while or you're just meeting. You show up at the diner to hang with your friends, as you do every single night, you make the rounds and shake hands, and you do the same when you part ways at the end of the night. It's a cultural cue, I think; a quick and easy bonding exercise, or an act of finality. When you shake hands, you know that something's started or something's ended.
Steeped in a handshake culture, I've imposed it on other people, who are not always used to it. I did it in Syracuse, with most of the folks there, and Mr. Proctor still looks at me funny whenever I shake hands with him. But, I dunno, it doesn't always happen. I went up to visit Derek. No handshake. I didn't even think of it until later, when I realized that here in Seattle, handshakes just don't happen. I've got the guys I hang with. No handshakes. I bump into the guys from my program every now and then. No handshakes.
Now, I'm the big traveller here; no slouch I in the cultural awareness department. I've got friends of the European persuasian that I'll greet and part from with a hug and a kiss, and some friends stateside that get the same treatment. I've been unable to end conversations with Australians without the word "cheers" being involved. Everyone has their cues.
But I've been noticing a lack of any of those cues in my interactions with people lately, and as a kid from Jersey, where the handshake is so much the done thing that reaching for one is smooth as silk, it's been a little odd. It'd been tickling my brain lately, but it wasn't until I saw Rick tonight that it clicked into place. It's like no conversation or get-together I've had since I got out here has actually ever begun or ended. And that's just a little wiggy to think about.
Comments (9)
I prefer hugs to handshakes.
Posted by Bekah | March 10, 2005 7:42 AM
Posted on March 10, 2005 07:42
That's...odd. No handshakes? Backclaps? Knucks? Snaps? Fivers? I never really thought about it as a Jersey thing - done it in Virginia, Michigan, and North Carolina just automatically. Huh. Maybe the mid 90s angst hasn't fully bled off yet.
Posted by Erik | March 10, 2005 8:13 AM
Posted on March 10, 2005 08:13
I used to be one of those people who used hugs as a means of saying hello and goodbye to people (that I knew), but as I got older people seemed to have all these hang-ups about it, so I stopped doing it with all but a few people. To me, shaking hands is a formal thing; it's what you do when you meet someone for the first time, not an ongoing situation. Maybe we should develop a new ongoing greeting for Seattle, like simultaneous headbutts or something...
Posted by Lukas | March 10, 2005 8:45 AM
Posted on March 10, 2005 08:45
Bekah: check out the part where I said "some friends stateside that get the same treatment." You and other ladies of my acquaintence and Dave and Brian and Jon fall into that category.
Erik: I think of it as a Jersey thing, possibly a "greater Manhattan area" thing, because folks like Mr. Proctor (upstate NY) or Eric (Michigan) or Rob (Massachusetts) or Ben (Missouri) don't do a shake or a whatever automatically. Or at least didn't when I met them.
Posted by Jason | March 10, 2005 8:45 AM
Posted on March 10, 2005 08:45
Lukas: Whoops. Cross-posted with you this morning. Anywho, I wasn't making a call-to-action or anything, although headbutts might be cool.
Then again, my brain seems so useful...
Posted by Jason | March 10, 2005 11:50 AM
Posted on March 10, 2005 11:50
handshakes are you could say almost mandatory over here.
it's very frequent to hug with friends.
i'ts very common that when meeting with members of the opposite sex a kiss is included.
but perhaps we are just more warm people :)
Posted by gus | March 11, 2005 7:23 AM
Posted on March 11, 2005 07:23
Yeah, us Americans are really just a bunch of cold jerks. ;)
Well, maybe not. But I can say that all three of the Mexicans I've ever met in person were extremely warm. They were also all from the same family, and I worked closely with one of them at my old job.
I don't think it's warmth, though, just displays. Americans are, on the whole, conservative. Especially about physicality.
Posted by Jason | March 11, 2005 10:38 AM
Posted on March 11, 2005 10:38
if you think you are conservative you should see the japanese i have some relatives in japan and its very very diferent
Posted by gus | March 11, 2005 11:54 AM
Posted on March 11, 2005 11:54
Point. Japanese culture is waaaay more conservative about physicality than American culture.
Posted by Jason | March 11, 2005 3:03 PM
Posted on March 11, 2005 15:03