Some new neighbors moved into the apartment downstairs from mine a few days ago. I haven't seen much of them, but I can tell you that I've heard them. How best to put it? Well, the phrase "their lust is insatiable" is accurate, but it doesn't do the experience of living above them justice unless I explain that their lust is also noisy.
There are easier things to go to sleep to than the exceedingly loud sounds of other people having sex. Three times. There are better noises to wake up to. And, dear God, there are many, many things that I would rather be hearing at 7 o'clock on a Sunday evening.
I'm glad that these two people have a healthy, active relationship. I just wish they wouldn't feel the need to share it with their neighbors...
Comments (18)
What you need to do is bang the ceiling with a broom handle and recite the Bender line:
"Get a room you two!"
"We have a room!"
"Then lose weight!"
Posted by Bard | July 17, 2005 8:11 PM
Posted on July 17, 2005 20:11
Hmmm, perhaps my old neighbor moved to the U District.
Posted by Jeni G | July 17, 2005 8:15 PM
Posted on July 17, 2005 20:15
Well in my oppinion there are worse things then having nympho neighbors... lets look at this scientificly shall we?
1st Nympho Neighbors (here on refferd to as NN) Are usually fairly friendly you could have had Psycho nazi brain eating zombies.... or even worse some sort of weird seatle cult that would have given credance to your mothers concerns
2nd You will allways know when they are home because they make a lot of noise so if you need them for somthing like a cup of sugar or glass of cream for white russian it will be easy.
3rd and maybe most importantly you are a single man who my straight standards is pretty attractive and maybe they have nympho friends?
Sounds like a good set of ear plugs would be worth the added benefits
signing out from somewhere beyond the third moon of krikkit
Zach
Posted by Zach | July 17, 2005 9:46 PM
Posted on July 17, 2005 21:46
Yeah, Zach, because going to their door to ask for some sugar and cream is exactly the right kind of innendo-free way to introduce yourself to loud lusty new neighbors.
Posted by Erik | July 18, 2005 6:38 AM
Posted on July 18, 2005 06:38
he he he well I have heard that cork does wonders to muffle sound.
Posted by gus | July 18, 2005 1:01 PM
Posted on July 18, 2005 13:01
I'm not so sure my landlord would be happy about me installing soundproofing in my apartment. I think I'll just wait and hope that they calm down soon...
Posted by Jason | July 18, 2005 6:35 PM
Posted on July 18, 2005 18:35
"May I borrow some sugar and some cream and some YOU TWO NOT HAVING SEX SO LOUDLY WHILE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP?!"
Too direct?
Posted by Ben | July 19, 2005 11:59 AM
Posted on July 19, 2005 11:59
Going the direct route would not be too far out of character for you.
Another possible request could be, "Either shove a sock in her or a c*%@ in her please!" How did I hear that one? Ask Josh.
Pardon the explicitness of that comment.
Posted by Brian | July 19, 2005 3:24 PM
Posted on July 19, 2005 15:24
Leave it to your brother...
You know, he gave me some great advice once. I just can't remember what it was or what it was about. Still, great advice.
Anyway, things have been well - they haven't gotten it on since I posted this entry. Maybe it's just a weekend thing.
Posted by Jason | July 19, 2005 3:49 PM
Posted on July 19, 2005 15:49
I can certainly inquire as to what that advice was. Although I know he will be quite occupied in the next few days as their little nugget is due any day now.
Posted by Brian | July 20, 2005 6:29 AM
Posted on July 20, 2005 06:29
Sounds like a whole lot of fun. But, you haven't lived until people who are of a sexual preference other than yours are having sex IN THE SAME ROOM as you and there you are, lying trapped in the room because you don't want to sound like a prick (pun intended) and yet, you can't sleep because just the thought of it is grossing you out so much that you want to hurl.
And you have your eyes screwed shut and in your mind you keep chanting "Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place" and yet you can't because there's two people in the room moaning ("Oh, god, don't tell me he's.... OH GROSS!") groaning ("I know he can't be THAT well hung") and breathing heavilly ("How long does this take!?") until finally they're done and they go out the front door to have a cigarette to bask in the afterglow of a sick and totally gross sexual encounter and you make a mad dash to the back door so you can have a cigarette and get the taste of bile out of your mouth.
So yeah. could be worse, right Zach?
Posted by Jon (from the cornfields) | July 21, 2005 10:29 PM
Posted on July 21, 2005 22:29
I have a new solution. It involves making hideous noises yourself, made through a loudspeaker ducttaped to the ceiling. See how they like a taste of their own medicine.
Alternativly, audio-tape it and give a copy to everyone in the building named "[male neighbour's name] & [Female neighbour's name]'s Greatest Hits". Let hilarity ensue at the next tenant meeting.
Posted by Bard | July 23, 2005 9:22 AM
Posted on July 23, 2005 09:22
Hey Jon I know it could be a lot worse but I have never put you into that situation ....
Posted by Zach | July 23, 2005 1:31 PM
Posted on July 23, 2005 13:31
Oh, I know. That's why I allow you to live, dear.
Posted by Jon | July 25, 2005 8:42 AM
Posted on July 25, 2005 08:42
They're at it again! What the fuck?!? Damn them and their healthy, active sex lives!
Jon - I don't walk around calling your sexual orientation "gross," you know... But, yeah, point well taken: it could be worse.
Bard - ah, if only there were tenant meetings.
Maybe I should just stand at my window and shout back at them while they're in the act? "Go! Go! Go! Yeah! Hit it! Hit it! You can make it!"
I'm sure they'd be thrilled at that...
Posted by Jason | July 25, 2005 10:30 PM
Posted on July 25, 2005 22:30
I'm not saying other people's sexual orientations are gross. I'm just saying, please don't do it right in front of me. I mean.. I would never do that in front of other people. I barely kiss all that much in public because even that is something that I feel no one should force the world at large to see.
I'm just weird that way, Jason. I'm more conservative in some ways than I'd like to admit.
Perhaps I'll post something to clear the subject up on my LJ.
But, for now.
Sleep.....
Posted by Jon | July 26, 2005 1:44 PM
Posted on July 26, 2005 13:44
Ah, gotcha. Sorry, I'd misread your post a little.
Looking at their apartment now, btw, it seems as if my neighbors have moved out - whole place is empty. Odd, they lived here less than two weeks...
Posted by Jason | July 27, 2005 4:48 PM
Posted on July 27, 2005 16:48
Just marking territory, I suppose....
Posted by Jon | July 29, 2005 4:11 AM
Posted on July 29, 2005 04:11