Things, or so I've read, fall apart. The center cannot hold. Nor can my jeans. Time passes, wear and tear sets in and after a while I've got a rip. Torn out knees I can deal with, but a big hole in the butt isn't a pretty sight for anyone and worn-through seams are just weird.
So I bought more jeans, a few weeks back. The value of "bought" under discussion here is "ordered from an online store," because stores with actual locations in time and space don't carry jeans that fit me. This leaves me to conclude that I'm strangely misshapen and should probably consider a career as a mad scientist's lab assistant. Though I suppose that since the deformity would be leg-based, I could always change my name to Torgo...
But I digress. Two weeks gone and my new jeans have arrived. Only they haven't arrived at my house. They were "misrouted by the shipper" and signed for at 5:50 in the morning, a week ago yesterday. Which leads me to believe both that the US Postal Service works longer hours than I've previously thought to be the case and that the folks at JC Penny can't read my typing. I called technical support today, because technically what I need right now is some goddamn support below the waist, but they refuse to help me until 10 working days have passed, since the shipper is supposed to correct the problem. I assume this means that the Post Office will send its contracted ninjas out to retrieve the pakage and deliver it to me, along with the heads of those impertinent enough to have falsely accepted it in the first place.
I mention all this in case you see me wandering around without pants over the next few days. You may be horrified, but at least you'll know why.
Comments (10)
On a good note if you are as harry on bottom as you are on Top no one will notice your lack of woven cotton fiber breeches
Posted by Zach | January 31, 2006 4:57 PM
Posted on January 31, 2006 16:57
I was wondering where the Naked Cowboy in NYC was hiding!!!
http://www.nakedcowboy.com/
Posted by Brian | January 31, 2006 6:48 PM
Posted on January 31, 2006 18:48
On a good note if you are as harry on bottom as you are on Top no one will notice your lack of woven cotton fiber breeches
EW.
Posted by Bekah | February 1, 2006 5:04 AM
Posted on February 1, 2006 05:04
I agree.
Ew.
Posted by Erik | February 1, 2006 6:20 AM
Posted on February 1, 2006 06:20
The world at large will be relieved to know that my new pants arrived this morning.
I will be relieved if Zach never mentions my bottom again.
Posted by Jason | February 1, 2006 9:33 PM
Posted on February 1, 2006 21:33
But it's ok for me to mention it, right?
You're not misshapen, Jason. Just unique.
Posted by Jon | February 2, 2006 7:35 AM
Posted on February 2, 2006 07:35
Mmm... No, Jon. You'd be better off not mentioning my bottom, either. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't want any public discussion of my bottom going on at all.
Posted by Jason | February 3, 2006 2:44 AM
Posted on February 3, 2006 02:44
Hooray for pants that fit! Congratulations on the acquisition of your new pants.
However, I think that you should just forget the pants and start wearing a kilt. You looked great in that one in that show. Besides, kilts are much cooler than pants.
Posted by Sarah | February 3, 2006 10:35 AM
Posted on February 3, 2006 10:35
Even though I have never met Sarah I would have to agree with her you looked like some Scottish baddass... Snickers
Posted by Zach | February 4, 2006 12:52 AM
Posted on February 4, 2006 00:52
Aside from the total lack of being Scottish...
No, I think I'll be avoiding kilts for the foreseeable future.
Posted by Jason | February 4, 2006 3:27 PM
Posted on February 4, 2006 15:27