Bleeding Fiction

This calls for the wackiest hijinks ever! I suggest that you start by re-watching every episode of Saved By the Bell. Then, when you're done vomiting in disgust, perhaps some teen drama anime!

I don't think that differs substantially from his normal routine. Except for the vomiting.

When he wakes up in the morning and his mom gives out a warning, he doesn't think he'll ever make it on time. (Bop Bop!)

Jason - can you go over the sequence of events one more time. I think I missed a crucial detail.

1. Random person sees you and Alicia talking.
2. Random person assumes you two are dating and tells Bill.
3. Bill asks if you're dating Alicia.
4. You say "no." You decide that it wouldn't be horrible to date her.
5. Two days pass. You discover that Alicia has a boyfriend. And she can't stop saying how he's wonderful. Or is it that she can't stop saying how you're wonderful?
6. You're bitter.

Also....pictures would help. If not of Alicia, then of your Willard hairdo.

You pretty much got it right, Marc. Except for item 5, where she was, in fact, telling people that I'm awesome.

My "angle" is that the situation's annoying, is all. The bitterness comes from situations of some sort or another being a recurring theme lately. I maintain that the world should follow my personal policy of girls I'm interested in not dating people who aren't, you know, me.

That said, I'm not about any dumping, either. In the really real world, that doesn't seem to make for the healthiest start to a relationship - what with the person's clearly demonstrated willingness to drop a partner should a better one come along. It sets a precedent, in other words, that isn't very comforting.

As for pictures... Well, my policy of not posting pictures of people I'm not already pretty tight with continues, so don't expect Alicia's cuteness to show up here any time soon. I've already grown out of the Willard phase of my hair so, although I do have a new picture of myself floating around my computer, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed by the normalcy of the whole thing. And I do hate to disappoint.

So...if she's walking around saying how great you are, that might imply that she's not walking around saying how great the boyfriend is.

For those of us keeping score at home, this means that you can exploit this with non-confrontational, completely "harmless" conversation. Eventually, the boyfriend will get jealous. She'll get angry at him. She'll like you more.

At the end of the day, you'll have a girl.

And if things don't work out that way, you'll have plenty of good memories.

Rob just reminded me that you have alleged Jersey mafia connections. Maybe you could employ this connection?