Bleeding Fiction

A funny thing happens to me around finals every quarter: I watch the West Wing.

I started up with Season 1 about a week ago, barreling through episodes here and there as my schedule lets me. I'm mid-way through Season 2 right now and I'll probably finish through Season 3 by the time I head to the Right Coast for break (more on that later).

There's nothing wrong with watching the West Wing a lot - it's an excellent show, the best on television during its time - but I watch it a lot. I watched Seasons 3 and 4 after last Spring quarter, Seasons 1 and 2 after Winter quarter just before that. And it's not like I don't have other things to watch. Five seasons of Gilmore Girls, 3 of Ruroni Kenshin, one each of Fraggle Rock, Firefly, X and a host of movies besides...

It's weird, is all I'm saying.

Those of you who've been with us for a while know that two years ago I was with this girl named Lena. Those of you who've only joined us recently can read the full color commentary in the dating category, selectable at right. The short version has it that I was very much in love, things ended very badly due to Lena falling for another guy and I decided it was best to cut off contact with her. Which was like cutting off my own arm, because not only did I love her, but I also thought of her as (with one notable exception) my best and closest friend.

If you know me well, you'll know that I think about her on occasion, on my loneliest and most sleepless of nights, but by and large I don't pick at the scar. Three days ago, though, I'm out with some old work friends, minding my own business, when who should come out of the blue to smack me upside the head but her. Or at least reference to her - she wasn't actually there.

I found out that her father died. I think maybe 4 months back, I'm not sure.

Now I feel really weird. Lena was close to her father, and his dying will have hurt her to the core. She quit her job when it happened, but I imagine she'll still be hurting now. And I feel like I should do something. I feel like I should call and let her know I understand, or run over (pretty long run) and wrap her in my arms. Two years gone and I still feel like I know her better than anyone else could. That's what our friendship meant to me - not our relationship, our friendship.

On the other hand, I know that's arrogant of me to say. I know it's not necessarily true and, even if it were, she doesn't need me. We were close, but she's got other people to be close(r) to. She has her boyfriend to hold onto her, she has friends to talk to and support her. It's not my job to be any of those things for her anymore.

But I know her, or at least I used to, and she once meant the world to me (and, somewhere in the back of my heart, she still does), and so it feels really weird to know this horrible thing has happened to her and to not be able to do anything about it.